FRUSTRATED WITH THE DRAMA ALL AROUND HER

Jen Asks Coach Linda for help:
I have found myself very frustrated with the drama of my friends lately. The strange thing –I never really noticed it before and now that I can hear it in their stories. I am so annoyed that I do not even want to spend time talking to them, but I don’t want to give up their friendship either.

Any insight into how I can change my way of thinking about them? Is it them or me? Jen

Coach Linda’s “Assessment and Help”
SITUATION
Coach Linda Berger gave Jen a call to understand the specifics of her question. Jen mentioned that she no longer had the patience of listening to the drama of her girlfriend’s lives. She was interested in moving forward in her life and not spending hours talking and listening to the same old stories.

Nothing had changed in their stories although something changed inside of Jen. She didn’t want to loose her dear friends although spending time with them was extremely stressful. She just wanted to tell them how she felt but didn’t want to hurt their feelings.

OBJECTIVES/GOALS
Coach Linda suggested Jen get in touch with the true source of her frustration, by looking deeper into what feelings or thoughts she was trying to become aware of, without dumping her frustrations on them.

Linda explained to Jen that frustration is a distraction covering up a potential unmet expectation, fear or outgrown belief about ourselves.

At this point she could either stay stuck, or she could choose to use this opportunity to take a risk with her friends, in order to overcome this once and for all.

SOLUTIONS FOR CHANGE
Coach Linda reminded Jen that life only has itself to teach us about our magnificence; and these circumstances created an ideal chance for her to grow by risking.

Jen was about to embark on a journey into” risking”, through her friendships. The risk could help her transform a false belief she had discovered about herself. That false believe was: ‘if I risk, I will loose something’.

AH HA CHANGING MOMENT
Jen’s ah ha moment came when she focused in on what was going on inside of her as she listened to the drama of her friends. What was she thinking or feeling about herself?

It was her fear of risking that limited the relationship not the drama. She was inwardly judging herself for not risking -being honest. She wanted more in their friendship and it showed up as frustration by judging their drama.


RELEASING A BLOCK TO CHANGE
Jen felt her friendship wouldn’t be important to her friends if she didn’t continue to play the same role in the relationship. And risking could mean loosing their friendship. Yet, not risking meant creating disharmony within the friendship, and thus causing a rift between them anyway.

In the one, she could choose growth. In the other, she could choose to not risk, and therefore stay stuck.

CHANGE RESULTS
Jen chose to listen to her inner voice discovering what was really triggering her frustration. She chose not to get angry when she expected her friends to change.

By “risking” she grew in courage and strength and created an opening for growth in herself and her relationship with her friends.

In being honest, by telling her friends that she wanted more out of their relationship, and not just the drama of the same old thing every time they met, they all could make a choice to choose to do without the dramas and move into a place where there are bigger and better experiences for all of them.

Honestly looking at our own motives first is always the best policy. Coach Linda